He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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