Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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