I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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