I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just sucked dick on a ferry
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
