I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
