Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
