Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
