I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
