ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
