God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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