When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
