Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
