He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
