Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
