just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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