Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You work out of a Hotel?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
