i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
