walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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