Texts From Last Night

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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  only room for one pussy in that bed.

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  (262): When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy. (612): only room for one pussy in that bed. http://tfl.nu/8gho
  Replies (9) Good night (800) Bad night (2320)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.

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  (812): There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better. http://tfl.nu/hacu
  Replies (11) Good night (2449) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.

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  (561): Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons. http://tfl.nu/mi7s
  Replies (12) Good night (5702) Bad night (549)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.

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  (618): he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic. http://tfl.nu/zq41
  Replies (7) Good night (2782) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.

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  (301): The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs. http://tfl.nu/e9u8
  Replies (28) Good night (3745) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.

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  (386): Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target. http://tfl.nu/eg9l
  Replies (5) Good night (4081) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.

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  (651): I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed. http://tfl.nu/6al2
  Replies (17) Good night (4003) Bad night (1051)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.

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  (813): sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it. http://tfl.nu/etd4
  Replies (7) Good night (3010) Bad night (725)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded

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  (904): I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded http://tfl.nu/240k
  Replies (9) Good night (5334) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.

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  (815): This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years. http://tfl.nu/zacn
  Replies (5) Good night (1463) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience

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  (703): Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience http://tfl.nu/mhgr
  Replies (5) Good night (1277) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life

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  (917): No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life http://tfl.nu/p0nl
  Replies (1) Good night (472) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.

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  (818): Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great. http://tfl.nu/bj70
  Replies (1) Good night (667) Bad night (222)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.

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  (303): By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share. http://tfl.nu/qyzo
  Replies (0) Good night (453) Bad night (219)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.

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  (479): Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after. http://tfl.nu/sigh
  Replies (3) Good night (406) Bad night (284)

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