If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.