I got chris browned last night
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
