Texts From Last Night

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college

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  (651): i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college http://tfl.nu/vjhh
  Replies (37) Good night (6789) Bad night (568)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan

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  (269): You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan http://tfl.nu/otnu
  Replies (44) Good night (6381) Bad night (1008)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.

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  (256): My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred. http://tfl.nu/j0t5
  Replies (18) Good night (3933) Bad night (1041)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.

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  (856): What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again. http://tfl.nu/nufk
  Replies (9) Good night (4266) Bad night (954)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....

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  (806): You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping.... http://tfl.nu/mb43
  Replies (6) Good night (3319) Bad night (1316)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?

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  (641): Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions? http://tfl.nu/f9wf
  Replies (10) Good night (2207) Bad night (1171)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.

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  (907): I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled. http://tfl.nu/g1t3
  Replies (11) Good night (2139) Bad night (797)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.

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  (509): Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival. http://tfl.nu/kooj
  Replies (9) Good night (1632) Bad night (571)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.

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  (218): You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes. http://tfl.nu/x3hi
  Replies (8) Good night (1933) Bad night (569)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.

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  (419): Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test. http://tfl.nu/jxmi
  Replies (9) Good night (666) Bad night (2227)
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  (898): View more from

  Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.

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  (898): Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous. http://tfl.nu/8yxh
  Replies (2) Good night (597) Bad night (275)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.

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  (215): the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked. http://tfl.nu/uz4z
  Replies (4) Good night (722) Bad night (242)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"

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  (713): No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY" http://tfl.nu/to54
  Replies (5) Good night (709) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...

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  (434): i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet... http://tfl.nu/ym2b
  Replies (1) Good night (770) Bad night (275)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch

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  (425): The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch http://tfl.nu/197l
  Replies (7) Good night (435) Bad night (223)

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