How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.