i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
