They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?