I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".