Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
