he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?