but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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