We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
