Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
