There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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