I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
