Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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