I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
