she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I deserve this hangover.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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