hotel room ftw
just tell him i said nine months
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
