Apparently you make a good broom.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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