I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
