This is not my ceiling
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
