A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.