Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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