I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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