oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
