you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the day after is always just damage control
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
