i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
