just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
