I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
