she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
