Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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