Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
