you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
