walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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