tell your sister to shave her snatch
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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