meet me or not, i'm out of control
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
