He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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