you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
