My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
