i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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