How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
