drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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