I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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