there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
