if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
