loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
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Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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