i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
