Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
