office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
