i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
