Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
