Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
