a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
