im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
