Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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