So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
