There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
