Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
