Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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