nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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