I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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