DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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