Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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