considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
