drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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