she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
