Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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