There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
