yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
