so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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