the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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