Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Semen is not good for contacts.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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