by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
