I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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